Top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Want Sex
Yes, it’s true, ladies. Sometimes even us males are not interested in don’t want to have sex. As it turns out it’s one of those “It’s not you, it’s me” deals. Classic! From WebMD:
- Medications. Antidepressants (SSRI-type) and antihypertensives (blood pressure medication) are often the culprit when a man has a lowered interest in sexual activity. These can also cause sexual dysfunction.
- Lack of sleep. When a man is in his teens or twenties, the opportunity to have sex will often overwhelm the desire to sleep. This is often true also when a relationship is brand new. But, as people and relationships age, sex can lose its compelling nature and a good night’s rest can be quite tempting.
- Hormonal levels. The most important physiological stimulant of sexual desire is testosterone. Many men are mistakenly sent to have a blood test for total testosterone when low libido is the issue. While that information might be interesting to know to have a full picture of a man’s hormonal levels, knowing the free testosterone level is much more relevant to how much sex he desires. Also, too much prolactin and SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) can suppress sexual desire. So when a hormonal reason is suspected, these are the blood tests to have (in order of importance): free testosterone, prolactin, SHBG, and total testosterone.
- Identity issues. When men feel uncertain about their role in the world, their desire for sex can dwindle. Depression may be linked to this, but isn’t always. Identity issues can crop up when: he has issues at work or is out of work, faces the death of an important family member, becomes disheartened about a formerly held strong belief, and questions his understanding of his own sexual orientation — to name a few.
- Turn-off to aspects of the sex. Some men will turn away from sex rather than have sex that is not fulfilling to them. Lack of fulfillment can be related to specific things that his partner does during sex or how he experiences his partner’s body. He may feel criticized or treated unfairly. It may just seem like too much “work.” He may have sexual interests that he knows or fears his partner may not share.
- Disagreements with one’s mate. When there are interpersonal difficulties between the members of a couple, many men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner’s advances. Some men punish their partner by withholding sex, but for others it’s not a matter of punishment, they just cannot muster sexual feelings when there are unresolved conflicts.
- Stress. Stress comes in many forms and may stem from: financial difficulties, personal or family member illness, challenges at work, parenting dilemmas, and issues involving extended family members. Of course, there are many more sources of stress.
- Masturbation that replaces partnered sex. This is a hot topic since the advent of the Internet. It seems to some researchers in this field that many men who might not have sought out other sources of visual sexual stimulation (magazines, videos, movies) have found their way to locate sexual imagery online. For some couples, this can be a dilemma, particularly when the viewing of the images leads to masturbation, that then leads to less partnered sex. Less partnered sex feels like a blessing to some, but to others it is a frustrating and disappointing outcome.
- Fear of intimacy. Some men have relationships with their romantic partner that resemble that of siblings. The contact that they experience in their relationship takes the intimacy level up so high that adding sexual intimacy on top of that feels like an overload. Though it may be difficult to imagine that a person could have too much intimacy, it is the hunch of many sex experts today that this is a very common cause of declining sexual frequency in couples.
- Difficulties functioning sexually. Many men who have an erection dysfunction or believe that they ejaculate too soon — or too late (if at all), will avoid having sex with their partner. Rather than face what feels like another experience of “failure” in our performance-obssessed culture, these men choose to avoid being sexual at all.
9 opinions for Top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Want Sex
peg
Sep 13, 2007 at 7:44 pm
they don’t want sex because they are getting it somewhere else!!!!!!!!
Guildenstern
Sep 21, 2007 at 8:43 am
I don’t think that getting it somewhere else really reduces men’s sexual interest. I agree above that it is more effected by the things in the relationship. I’m not sure I agree with the masterbation assumption either. It always seems to be more of an option when the partner is not available or interested. On thing that is not really addressed above is the communicaiton needed to openly discuss each other’s interests. Men can be concerned that things they are interested in will be seen as weird by their partner. It doen’t reduce the interest, but even though their partner may think its fine or like it, they are afraid to bring it up.
Samantha
Oct 3, 2007 at 12:54 pm
I’ve been going out with a man for just over 12 months.. we did not sleep together for the first 2 months; it took me a while to work out ‘his style’… I never was particularly confident with him… now we hardly ever have sex ( he avoids it) it makes me angry (he knows it) but I’m sure he masturbates (goes solo) I know he likes online erotica/soft bondage images ( I hate him looking - makes me feel even worse) I’ve tried to accommodate some of his tastes.. (dressing up & H.J.’s) but he still seldom initiates sex… but get this! He wants to marry me - has insisted on it, in fact - and I’m not really happy to. I divorced my last husband because of an unsatisfactory/boring relationship. I wanted a lover! Now I’m about to get… ‘just another husband’ (yawn!)
Tanya
Feb 18, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I am in a relationship with someone I am ready to let go of…..like in the next week! He sucks in the bedroom, and loves what I give him! He enjoys getting, but wont return anything unless I ask him too. I am just tired of dealing with him. It’s ashame. He worries about his body, 6 packs stomach, all of these superficial things that just don’t even bother me! His goal is to have this perfect body, but for me, it is like, What is a perfect body, when I can’t get on the receiving end to enjoy what he’s got! He isn’t the biggest down below, and he is insecure about that, but I am glad that he is not that big, because it is easier to take in orally. It is just a big mess, and I hate that I even started talking to this man. I think I am more frustrated at the fact that I am trying to figure out if he is gay or not. He doesn’t act gay, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t gay. Truly he has been a waste of my time and gosh, I have asked him “Is it me? Are you not attracted to me?” he says “No it isn’t you.” So of course, I think that it is something else. I don’t know…….could be down low gay man, or just doesn’t like sex, but he does masterbate. So maybe that’s it. JUST VERY FRUSTRATING and I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!
The Man
Mar 10, 2008 at 10:46 pm
What about a man who don’t want sex because his wife (who is on contraceptives, but there is always a risk) told him that she is totally against abortion and having a child is the last thing in the world he wants?
Shannon
Jul 4, 2008 at 3:37 am
Men are very lucky. They have a whole assortment of goodies to indulge in, whereas us ladies have nothing of the kind. My ex told me he just wasn’t that interested in sex but he was on the net every other night banging one out over pics and videos of ladies getting more than me! F**k that! Seriously - ditch the boring dude buy a vibrator, put on 300 and sleep with a bunch of random, gorgeous men to satisfy your urges.
carmel
Oct 4, 2008 at 12:35 pm
hi,just had the same experience as tanya.the guy i had been seeing for 6months never wanted sex.said he didnt need sex to be in intimate.he attracts gay men wherever we go and he doesnt mind when they sit beside him and rub his face.i asked him was he gay and he went mad,i said because he wasnt intimate with me that maybe he was gay.he doesnt really want to talk to me now.i think i hit a nerve with him.
Karen
Oct 5, 2008 at 8:06 pm
I have been in a relationship for 5 years and we are in our mid lower to mid 50’s. When we met six was hot and good. Now when we are together which is only on weekends because of his job he enjoys us just being together and doing things. Yes I enjoy those things too but I want some intimacy like we had when we first met. It was so hot and good. I ask him if it is me and he says no it is him. I asked him was he watching porn and getting himself off and he says no. I am not stupid but I am lost. Could it be his age and not wanting sex?
Karen
Oct 5, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I have been with a guy for 5 years. It was hot and heavy at first. We have’t had sex in 3 years. He tries to get me off but then he is too tired to do anything. I tell him I want some intamacy in our relationship but he says it isn’t me it is him. I told him that he can’t keep giving me the same excuse he has been giving me for the last 3 years. He is either looking at porn, doing someone else or just really doesn’t have the desire. I have been there and don’t wnt to go there again. What are my options?
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